No...

I am grateful.

I am grateful that my children – today – are healthy.  

The girls play softball.  They spend their summer days biking down to the pool or meeting friends “downtown” for deli sandwiches and penny candy or giggling on the sofa - the two of them - half wrestling, half bickering, but choosing to be right next to each other for hours at a time. Hours and hours.

When one complains about the other, I say, "Honey.  Remember: the opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference. You two aren't indifferent to each other."

Last night, I asked my youngest: "You know how I ask that?  What the opposite of love is?"

"Yes.  'N-diffrance," she answered, the good student nine year-old.

"Do you know what that means? Indifference?"

"No."

Then I launched into a lecture about how if we went out for ice cream at Graham's - her favorite place for ice cream at the moment - and she ordered mint chocolate chip and I ordered bitter chocolate chip - would she mind that I chose a different flavor? One, actually, she quite hates?

"No, of course not!  Because I don't have to eat it.  You.  You can have whatever you like.  Even that!" She said.

"That's indifference!" I said.  

And then it all seemed clear to my nine year-old.

"Oh."

Oh.

I'm grateful that this is the kind of thing we talk about these days.  I'm grateful that these constitute our biggest issues right now.  I know it's not like that in every home of people I know and love. And I know it won't always be the case for me.

I know too many parents who have lost children. Whose children are sick or struggling or hurting.  I have been there before - I cross my fingers that we'll not be there again. But life is a mystery and I know no one is spared suffering.  

Often this summer, when I see my kids teasing each other or swinging out back or heading out for a bike ride or sitting across the kitchen table from me managing their Scrabble letters, all I feel is gratitude.

No, I’m not cynical. Even when I'm hurt or feel misunderstood or struggle, I understand -- I've got it good.

No, my life hasn’t been perfect – neither when I was growing up nor when I was grown and found myself a married person in the suburbs. No, I am not blind to the injustices and horrors and sorrow that so many people live with every day.

But does that mean I can’t be grateful?

No, I don’t think so.

I'm not indifferent.

I am grateful.

I do see the light.

And I do look for it.